Toronto Real Estate During the COVID-19 Pandemic

A report was recently released citing a 50% decrease in the number of condo sales from this same time last year, and yet somehow, prices are still going up!

For decades, there have been speculations about a Toronto real estate bubble that is about to burst. It’s been “any day now” for over 20 years … especially in the downtown condo market. Understandably, this report is hard for many people to make sense of, and although I’m sure it will all become clear in hindsight, for now, I find myself wondering what is happening, and what the heck would it take to soften the condo market in this wonderful city of ours. If COVID-19 is not enough, what then? Perhaps …. a zombie apocalypse?

No, seriously … what would happen to Toronto real estate during a zombie apocalypse? Let’s assume our zombies are of the slower/easier-to-kill “Walking Dead” variety, rather than the super strong and tirelessly fast “I Legend”/ “World War Z” variety. This means enough of us will survive to still allow for some sort of market to exist.

The first question in my mind is could zombies participate in the market? We’ve heard of the NINJA loans (No Income No Job no Assets) that plunged the US into the 2008 mortgage crisis – banks were giving out loans to anyone with a pulse … do zombies even have a pulse? If not, will lenders get creative and find other ways to give mortgages to the undead? Probably.

Secondly, we all know the most important thing in real estate, location, location, location. Based on population density and the number of potential zombies in any given area, at first glance, it seems like the zombie apocalypse might turn the tables on prices for urban vs rural real estate (with the exception of maybe Toronto island, assuming the zombies can’t swim).

However, from a practical perspective, we have to look at the type of structure. For example, a farm or large ground-level detached house might be very difficult to defend/fortify (multiple points of entry, etc.) in comparison to a more sheltered condo. For example, zombies would likely not be able to figure out elevators, and narrow stairs corridors are much easier to defend than a big backyard. There are actually quite a few considerations. The chart below ranks the pros and cons of different types of homes in a post-zombie-apocalypse:

Features:	Detached House / Rural	Townhouse / Urban	Regular Condo / Apt	Hi-Rise Penthouse
No direct street-level access		ü	ü	ü
Number of accessible points of entry (less is better)	F	D	A+	A+
Likely zombie concentration in the area	B+	C	D	D
Close neighbors (strength in numbers for defensive strategies, trading / bartering, etc	D	C	A	A
Safe Access to Utilities / Mechanical Equipment	B	B	C	C
Ability to customize fortifications (e.g. bunkers)	A	B	F	D*
Easy access to aerial rescue	Depending**	D	B	A
Space to store supplies, plant gardens and safely lock up infected loved ones until a cure is found	A	B	D	B
High vantage point for sniping zombies	D	D	A	A+

*might have enough space for one panic room
**if backyard large enough and devoid of trees

Based on the above criteria and ratings, it’s official – condo prices would go up relative to houses, and the optimal property to have in a zombie apocalypse would be a large penthouse. We have used our proprietary actuarial machine-learning block-chain-backed AI-powered quantum-computed formula to make this determination. Don’t all rush out at once to buy them.